This is My Story

I’m not going to lie. I find myself struggling lately. This has been going on for about four months now and I don’t know that I’ve made much progress. My problem is, I’m in a beautiful but chaotic world. Chaotic because I don’t understand all the things that are happening around me. I mean, it’s just a lot to take in, the virus, the fear, the anger, the hurt, the prejudice, the divisions, the masks, the toilet paper, the closures, the quarantines, the politicians, etc. It’s just A LOT. But beautiful because I’m here, I get to be here.

Anyway, I’m struggling with the “A LOT-ness” of it all. 

Some days I manage to keep my head up fairly well. On other days, I stumble a bit. 

I think I rise and fall like the tide because I am on the blade of knowing that I write my own story - which means I decide how I will interpret the world's events and the circumstances I find myself in. I guess I’m trying to learn how to walk out the person I want to be no matter what chaos I find myself in. Again, on some days I feel like I’m moving forward and on others It seems like I’m falling backwards. 

Have you ever experienced this? 

It’s wild. Knowing who you want to be and knowing when you feel like you’re missing it. And then being strong enough or patient enough to relax enough to forgive yourself and move on. 

That’s why I say I’m on the blade. It’s the blade of awareness. I can be aware and decide how to interpret things, how beautiful everything is, or I can be unaware and get sucked up inside the chaos. In the current day, It’s as if I teeter on either side of the blade from moment to moment. 

Fortunately, things keep “happening” to wake my awareness to open my eyes to the beautiful story I am in. I write my story, but I’m also in a wonderful story. 

Here’s what I mean…

The other day, I was very heavy hearted and just down. I was having a “woe is me” party. Things just seemed to keep piling up due to the Corona Chronicles. Anyway, I went for a walk with my wife and we stopped at a pond to look for turtles. And while I’m standing there, 22 turtles swam up to the edge of the pond, with their heads out of the water. I kid you not, it seemed like they were all happy to see us. It looked like they were smiling at us, at me. I know they are reptiles. I know they don’t “care” about people, they have no emotion - or at least that’s all I’ve ever heard, been taught, or thought. And yet, there I was with 22 smiling turtles. And it felt amazing. It felt like love. It was the best part of my day. It was the most beautiful feeling. I was being loved by the turtles. 

And in that moment, I was aware, again, that I write my story and that I’m also in a beautiful story, a story where turtles come up to love me and chase all my cares away. 

I learned something valuable that day. No matter what is going on, 22 turtles love me. And that’s my story.